Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Oh, How He Loves Me

Mark has been officially deployed with the Air Force for a full week now. In the days leading up to his departure, my heart was beginning to ache, but all I kept thinking and saying was, "I can handle this!" and I meant it in every sense of every word. The biggest problem was with that first word - "I." I know better than that...
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Of course I am brought back to John 15 as the Lord seems to be showing me His Truth and His love through this passage consistently lately. And so the Lord showed me that I can handle this, but only through Him.
The past three days have been crazy in our household... my usually good baby boy has been extremely high maintenance and demanding, and my eldest, usually characterized by being a helper, has been a challenge as well. Yesterday morning I was greeted by three hours of whining, throwing, and even mealtime issues. I could see it was going to be another extremely long day. I escaped to the restroom for a moment of solitude. I knew I just needed a verse - any verse... it didn't even need to relate to my situation. I just wanted something to meditate on throughout the day that would take my mind off the utter chaos. I grabbed a book we had in that room and opened it up randomly and the scripture before was one handpicked by the Lord for me...

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
Psalm 23:1-3
Ahhhh, the thought of lying down in a green pasture with quiet waters beside me drew a mental picture of a lush meadow or tropical escape, and I couldn't wait for the Lord to take me there. Then a thought of panic (I think I think too much - hee hee) rushed through my mind as I wondered how the Lord would "make" me achieve this as I am not one to sit and rest... a broken leg? an accident? Nope, I was not going to hang onto those thoughts. So walked back into the utter chaos, refusing to vent my status on Facebook, and just mediating on this picturesque scene with my Shepherd.
Later in the day I received an email from two of the sweetest and most generous friends of mine and Mark's, Julie and Jonah Jabbour. The email informed me that I had a gift certificate to a local spa awaiting me. I sat there reading this email completely speechless and overwhelmed. I was amazed! ...not only at the gift certificate to the spa, or the thoughtfulness and generosity of these sweet, sweet friends, but it was so much more than that. This gift was truly sent from the Lord! (Thank you Jonah and Julie for listening to His voice and being used of Him!)
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
The Lord brought the scripture He had just given me that morning to my mind, and I could instantly see His Truth and promise for me fulfilled. I burst into tears feeling so loved by my Heavenly Father. I sat there thinking that although He truly has the whole world in His hands, there were starving children in Africa that were in need (as my Grandma always reminded me as a child), but here I was and God was giving me a want. Psalm 23:1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
Why? Why would be bestow this upon me? and then I heard his still small voice...
because I love you!
The God of the universe heard my cry and answered with an "I love you!" - just for me. He saw my chaos and my strength, and wanted me to abide in HIM for the strength I really needed. He wrapped me in His strong arms and showed me love.
The chaos of the day continued, and I am sure it will over the next few months while Mark is gone. I am thankful for this reminder that I need to abide and be in complete surrender to my Jesus - His strength and His grace. And I am even more thankful for His reminder of how much He truly loves me!

1 comment:

inthemiddleoflife said...

how tender. how personal, our God is. So thankful for the way you press in and seek Him with every part of your being! He always gets the glory and you, my friend, are being transformed moment by moment and it is a lovely thing to watch.