Accept

When I was a little girl I was literally wrapped up in prayer. My sweet and godly Mom was a total "Prayer Warrior," but that's not exactly what I am speaking of. I am referring to a throw blanket that my Mom's friend Susan had given to her. It was peach and green (go 80's!), and had the "Serenity Prayer" inscribed on it. As I would snuggle down into it, I would often read it but didn't ponder its words until now.

Recently, the Lord has not only brought this prayer to my attention, but challenged my heart to truly believe that God can meet my needs in this area. Last night was Caleb's first overnight, unsupervised visitation with his biological father in over a year and half. Just the day before the visit, we were in the doctor's office, and he was diagnosed with strep throat (again), which has been a constant struggle for him over the past year. For this Mom, that would mean lots of rest, healthy food, and an overload of some good ole' TLC as he enjoyed his twice a day dose of Rx for the next ten days. But instead, I found myself the very next day, standing at my front door and watching him pull away for someone else to care for him.

Fast forward through some good details and a chunk of what turned into a crazy day for me, and you will find me crawling into bed around 11:20 pm. Just as I turned to Mark to mention that I thought it would be good to keep my phone volume on all night (I usually turn it off before I head to dreamland), it rang... and Caleb's name was on my caller ID. Within a millisecond various thoughts raced through my mind... I didn't know whether to be excited that my son was thinking of me and calling, or to panic as it was approaching midnight and it didn't make sense that my "baby" was still awake, especially since just hours before we were informed of the strep. Thankfully, he was just calling to say hello. He told me about his day and their current plans to head back to his father's home (which happens to be in one of the worst parts of North Charleston) and stay up to watch at least half of a PG-13 rated movie.

Here I was, on the other end of the phone wanting to tuck him in and give him the rest he needed, but I couldn't. I wanted to protect all those senses from a very inappropriate movie, but I couldn't. I just wanted everything to be the way I imagined way back when I started my family, and here I was sharing my son. Thanks to God's Word and all the prayers of friends, I felt such peace about Caleb's protection for this whole weekend. I wasn't quite worried about him, but instead felt that incredible peace that passes understanding. However, my heart was another story... I wanted to give Caleb what was best for him, but I couldn't. I had to "accept the things I could not change."

Throughout life, we will consistently face situations that we cannot change... whether they be the traffic you find yourself sitting in, a loved one dying of cancer, or the sharing of your baby. The amazing thing God is present during all of this. We can choose to fight against our situation, or accept it by His grace. Yes, His all sufficient grace - available at all times, enough for us at all times. I am sure in the future I will be faced with many more of these situations and many others that I cannot change as well. The question is - will I surrender to Him and His will and trust Him completely? Only by His grace!

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

 

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I Married the Author 3 Years Later

Three years ago today I received an email that would change my life forever. It simply said, "Is Charleston too far?" Yup, that's how he won me over. Today I am married to the author - my sweet husband, Mark. He is definitely not a charmer, but an honest, sincere man of integrity that I am more in love with today... and with each passing day. I had dated enough to have poems and song, flowers and gifts, romantic and creative dates... but this one was different. He was a man who loved God, served God, and lived his life in such a way that it was evident to me. Single Ladies - avoid the charmers! Sure it's nice to hear you are adored, but you won't be so adoring 9 months pregnant, the size of an elephant, a swollen face, house a mess, dinner not made and so on - you need a guy who goes beyond that! Look for the honest man of integrity, whose reputation proceeds him.

Here I am, three years later, and life is great! By this time in my first marriage, I was drowning with a husband who was addicted to porn, had already kissed another woman, was working 80 hours a week, and so on. So, what's the difference? I could write a book on this, but they say blogs are supposed to be short and sweet so I'll just give 3 things that I believe are strengthening our marriage.

1. PRAYER
Mark and I are consistent in not only our prayers for each other, but with each other. I always heard the saying, "Families that pray together, stay together," and thought it was cute, but it's so much more than cute - it's true! There's no better feeling than waking up, having Mark spoon with me, and ask if he can pray over me and my day. I get to wake up feeling not only loved, but protected personally and with all the day has in store. This protection in not only in the fact that I know Mark cares because he is praying for me, but because we have placed my life and it's craziness in the hands of the Creator - the One who holds the whole world in His hands. I love returning the favor and praying over Mark and his day - his concerns, his job, his relationships, life. There's something so honest, so transparent, so intimate about this time together.
In addition to our morning prayers, each night, a part of our family bedtime routine is for all of us to crawl onto our couch in a cuddly fashion and pray as an entire family, each getting our turn. Our prayers cover anything, everyone, and all things in between. We all love this time together, and I am so confident it makes us stronger.

2. ENCOURAGEMENT
In a world where "You're way, right away" has become the motto, when things don't go exactly the way we picture and expect, it is very easy to focus on the bad stuff. It is so hard, but necessary that we change our way of thinking to the positive. Marriage is a sinner committing to another sinner. Sin definitely needs to be addressed, however, the focus needs to be on the good in your spouse. I pride myself in the fact that Mark calls me his biggest cheerleader. I purpose ( it won't happen on accident) to find things to build him up. My dear friend Ruth Clow once gave me the BEST marriage advice that I try to share with all, "Before saying or doing something in relation to your spouse, ask yourself, 'Is what I am going to do/say going to build my spouse up or tear him down?' Act accordingly."
There are two things I think about this. First, the world does an awfully good job and tearing people down. According to everything we see and hear we are not good enough, skinny enough, fast enough, perfect enough. So after the wear of the day, who is going to remind your spouse that they are created by God with purpose in life? Second, with the fully co-ed offices around town, I can almost guarantee someone is pouring life into your spouse... just a little innocent flirting here or there? Hmmmm... Not a good start if you are tearing down and someone else is building up. I love to flirt with Mark. Texting is my favorite form and occasionally email. Stuff that is immoral outside of marriage is totally kosher within those bonds of commitment - go for it! I also have these little coupon books that I occasionally pack in his lunch- HOT! If anyone in Hollywood ever got a hold of Mark's phone, email, or even lunch box they would have more than enough material for an R-rated movie... that and our time in the woods ;-)

3. MAKE THE CHOICE
Marriage is tough. There will be days where it is hard - so hard you will want to yell, shout, scream, run, cry, pout, and make them pay. CHOOSE to love. Don't trust your heart, don't trust your feelings. They will lead your astray. Don't even put all your trust and hope in your spouse - they are human, and they will fail you. But you CAN trust the God of this universe who put you together to see you through and give you the strength to do what is right. Have an over abundance of forgiveness and have an over abundance of selfless love... you know, the unconditional type. It's not based on them - just your choice to love no matter what... to forgive no matter what. The type God has for us!

Three years later I am SO happy! Not because Mark is perfect or because my marriage is perfect, but because I make choices to love him through the good and and bad, sickness and health, till death. My happiness comes from the joy of pouring out the love that GOD has put into me. It's a never ending waterfall if I continue to allow HIM to pour in and me to pour out.

Our 1st Date

P.S. - Oh - and for more great info on marriage, my pastor Greg Surratt of Seacoast church happens to be in the middle of an awesome series called "Love Songs." Come to church the next few weeks to check it out or keep checking here: http://www.seacoast.org/messagearchive and it will be posted shortly.

All smiles

Captivated

Mark always says He should have proposed this night because it was perfect - but who needs perfect?
We've got each other!