I Married the Author 3 Years Later

Three years ago today I received an email that would change my life forever. It simply said, "Is Charleston too far?" Yup, that's how he won me over. Today I am married to the author - my sweet husband, Mark. He is definitely not a charmer, but an honest, sincere man of integrity that I am more in love with today... and with each passing day. I had dated enough to have poems and song, flowers and gifts, romantic and creative dates... but this one was different. He was a man who loved God, served God, and lived his life in such a way that it was evident to me. Single Ladies - avoid the charmers! Sure it's nice to hear you are adored, but you won't be so adoring 9 months pregnant, the size of an elephant, a swollen face, house a mess, dinner not made and so on - you need a guy who goes beyond that! Look for the honest man of integrity, whose reputation proceeds him.

Here I am, three years later, and life is great! By this time in my first marriage, I was drowning with a husband who was addicted to porn, had already kissed another woman, was working 80 hours a week, and so on. So, what's the difference? I could write a book on this, but they say blogs are supposed to be short and sweet so I'll just give 3 things that I believe are strengthening our marriage.

1. PRAYER
Mark and I are consistent in not only our prayers for each other, but with each other. I always heard the saying, "Families that pray together, stay together," and thought it was cute, but it's so much more than cute - it's true! There's no better feeling than waking up, having Mark spoon with me, and ask if he can pray over me and my day. I get to wake up feeling not only loved, but protected personally and with all the day has in store. This protection in not only in the fact that I know Mark cares because he is praying for me, but because we have placed my life and it's craziness in the hands of the Creator - the One who holds the whole world in His hands. I love returning the favor and praying over Mark and his day - his concerns, his job, his relationships, life. There's something so honest, so transparent, so intimate about this time together.
In addition to our morning prayers, each night, a part of our family bedtime routine is for all of us to crawl onto our couch in a cuddly fashion and pray as an entire family, each getting our turn. Our prayers cover anything, everyone, and all things in between. We all love this time together, and I am so confident it makes us stronger.

2. ENCOURAGEMENT
In a world where "You're way, right away" has become the motto, when things don't go exactly the way we picture and expect, it is very easy to focus on the bad stuff. It is so hard, but necessary that we change our way of thinking to the positive. Marriage is a sinner committing to another sinner. Sin definitely needs to be addressed, however, the focus needs to be on the good in your spouse. I pride myself in the fact that Mark calls me his biggest cheerleader. I purpose ( it won't happen on accident) to find things to build him up. My dear friend Ruth Clow once gave me the BEST marriage advice that I try to share with all, "Before saying or doing something in relation to your spouse, ask yourself, 'Is what I am going to do/say going to build my spouse up or tear him down?' Act accordingly."
There are two things I think about this. First, the world does an awfully good job and tearing people down. According to everything we see and hear we are not good enough, skinny enough, fast enough, perfect enough. So after the wear of the day, who is going to remind your spouse that they are created by God with purpose in life? Second, with the fully co-ed offices around town, I can almost guarantee someone is pouring life into your spouse... just a little innocent flirting here or there? Hmmmm... Not a good start if you are tearing down and someone else is building up. I love to flirt with Mark. Texting is my favorite form and occasionally email. Stuff that is immoral outside of marriage is totally kosher within those bonds of commitment - go for it! I also have these little coupon books that I occasionally pack in his lunch- HOT! If anyone in Hollywood ever got a hold of Mark's phone, email, or even lunch box they would have more than enough material for an R-rated movie... that and our time in the woods ;-)

3. MAKE THE CHOICE
Marriage is tough. There will be days where it is hard - so hard you will want to yell, shout, scream, run, cry, pout, and make them pay. CHOOSE to love. Don't trust your heart, don't trust your feelings. They will lead your astray. Don't even put all your trust and hope in your spouse - they are human, and they will fail you. But you CAN trust the God of this universe who put you together to see you through and give you the strength to do what is right. Have an over abundance of forgiveness and have an over abundance of selfless love... you know, the unconditional type. It's not based on them - just your choice to love no matter what... to forgive no matter what. The type God has for us!

Three years later I am SO happy! Not because Mark is perfect or because my marriage is perfect, but because I make choices to love him through the good and and bad, sickness and health, till death. My happiness comes from the joy of pouring out the love that GOD has put into me. It's a never ending waterfall if I continue to allow HIM to pour in and me to pour out.

Our 1st Date

P.S. - Oh - and for more great info on marriage, my pastor Greg Surratt of Seacoast church happens to be in the middle of an awesome series called "Love Songs." Come to church the next few weeks to check it out or keep checking here: http://www.seacoast.org/messagearchive and it will be posted shortly.

All smiles

Captivated

Mark always says He should have proposed this night because it was perfect - but who needs perfect?
We've got each other!

The First to be Invited

Tonight's dinner conversation was led by Caleb. At a mere 7 years old, he clearly had the mic... jumping from topic to topic he finally settled on one which was started by part of his day's events. He was swimming in Meme and Pappy's community pool with some friends of ours who happen to have a little girl around Caleb's age. Caleb said, "I think [girl] "l-i-k-e-s" me," as he spelled out the word "like." (Too funny - the spelling thing. He just cracks me up.) He told us how he came to this conclusion, and I am pretty sure he is accurate.

I didn't think this topic would approach till the teens years, but it's never to young to teach - right? So I shared with Caleb that if he is aware a young girl like him he must be extra careful to protect her heart. That her heart belongs to Jesus until He specifically tell her who she should give it to when He wants her to marry. Mark chimed in and together we explained how NOT to lead a girl on or foster feelings. I wonder how many hearts would not be broken if guys (and girls) learned this at an early age.

Caleb understood what he could of it and then said, "Well, if we are still neighbors when I grow up, I will invite her to my wedding." Mark and I chuckled. Off this topic, he then started sharing how he would be sending out his wedding invitations and said that the first wedding invitation he wanted to send out would go to God, then to Mark and me, and then to his dear friends Anthony and Alaina.

WOW - How profound - the first to be invited to his wedding will be God. That sounds like a great start to an incredible marriage if you ask me.

At some point most of us have or will step foot into a church and stand before God and recite vows to another, but do we really INVITE Him? Is He invited to our wedding on that first day and then into our marriage for every day to come? To reign over it as Lord? I wonder how marriages would change if God truly was the first one invited to the wedding.

How to Get Oil and Water to Mix

With Caleb's 7th birthday party less than 24 hours away, it was time to start on my traditional Checkerboard Cake. It takes a bit of work, but is always a hit at the party. I was in a rush as we had dinner plans with some friends, so I was doing my best to multitask the baking process. I measured out the water and oil in two separate measuring cups, but poured them into the bowl together. Despite the mixing flow, they quickly divided back to their individual substances. As we all know, oil and water don't mix. However, when I added a third substance, the cake mix, all items blended perfectly to form a ideal mixture that would soon become a delicious birthday cake.

As I was creating this masterpiece I heard that still small voice. Our marriages are often like this oil and water. You know what they say - opposites attract. Shortly after the honeymoon, the differences between us and our spouses suddenly seem to pop up.

When we try to mix together, we quickly divide again - unless we add a third entity that can perfectly blend us - GOD.

HE can take us, the ingredients, mix us together to make something exquisite. So the next time you and your spouse are mixing as well as oil and water, be sure to mix in that essential "ingredient" to make your marriage a masterpiece.