Oh, How He Loves Me

Mark has been officially deployed with the Air Force for a full week now. In the days leading up to his departure, my heart was beginning to ache, but all I kept thinking and saying was, "I can handle this!" and I meant it in every sense of every word. The biggest problem was with that first word - "I." I know better than that...
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Of course I am brought back to John 15 as the Lord seems to be showing me His Truth and His love through this passage consistently lately. And so the Lord showed me that I can handle this, but only through Him.
The past three days have been crazy in our household... my usually good baby boy has been extremely high maintenance and demanding, and my eldest, usually characterized by being a helper, has been a challenge as well. Yesterday morning I was greeted by three hours of whining, throwing, and even mealtime issues. I could see it was going to be another extremely long day. I escaped to the restroom for a moment of solitude. I knew I just needed a verse - any verse... it didn't even need to relate to my situation. I just wanted something to meditate on throughout the day that would take my mind off the utter chaos. I grabbed a book we had in that room and opened it up randomly and the scripture before was one handpicked by the Lord for me...

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.

Psalm 23:1-3

Ahhhh, the thought of lying down in a green pasture with quiet waters beside me drew a mental picture of a lush meadow or tropical escape, and I couldn't wait for the Lord to take me there. Then a thought of panic (I think I think too much - hee hee) rushed through my mind as I wondered how the Lord would "make" me achieve this as I am not one to sit and rest... a broken leg? an accident? Nope, I was not going to hang onto those thoughts. So walked back into the utter chaos, refusing to vent my status on Facebook, and just mediating on this picturesque scene with my Shepherd.
Later in the day I received an email from two of the sweetest and most generous friends of mine and Mark's, Julie and Jonah Jabbour. The email informed me that I had a gift certificate to a local spa awaiting me. I sat there reading this email completely speechless and overwhelmed. I was amazed! ...not only at the gift certificate to the spa, or the thoughtfulness and generosity of these sweet, sweet friends, but it was so much more than that. This gift was truly sent from the Lord! (Thank you Jonah and Julie for listening to His voice and being used of Him!)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

The Lord brought the scripture He had just given me that morning to my mind, and I could instantly see His Truth and promise for me fulfilled. I burst into tears feeling so loved by my Heavenly Father. I sat there thinking that although He truly has the whole world in His hands, there were starving children in Africa that were in need (as my Grandma always reminded me as a child), but here I was and God was giving me a want. Psalm 23:1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
Why? Why would be bestow this upon me? and then I heard his still small voice...

because I love you!

The God of the universe heard my cry and answered with an "I love you!" - just for me. He saw my chaos and my strength, and wanted me to abide in HIM for the strength I really needed. He wrapped me in His strong arms and showed me love.
The chaos of the day continued, and I am sure it will over the next few months while Mark is gone. I am thankful for this reminder that I need to abide and be in complete surrender to my Jesus - His strength and His grace. And I am even more thankful for His reminder of how much He truly loves me!

Wanting All the Answers

Today was the second day of torture - for the both of us. Yes, folks... school's back in session down here in the South and where there's school, there's homework. I remember back in my teaching days I did give some, but barely... because I completely understood who really did the homework - the parents! Well, not in this household. I know as a parents we must choose our battles and to me, this one is worth it - or so I thought.

So, it all started great today. Question 1 on his ditto - "What is your favorite subject?" Caleb asks, "Mommy, how do you spell Science?" Well, this is where the torture... I mean fun begins. My response, "Caleb, SSSSScience - what is that first sound?" And it was all down hill from there. Long story short and an hour and half later, we finished the homework. Throughout this hour and a half Caleb kept saying, "Mommy if you loved me you would just give me the answer," and I would keep responding, "Buddy, it's because I love you that I'm not just giving you the answer, but I'm here to help you every step of the way."

Dinner tonight was a special treat. My dear Aunt Linda is visiting us down here in SC, so we went to one of my favorite restaurants, Queen Anne's Revenge. Between, my aunt, that restaurant, and my Daddy treating it was great! During dinner our homework adventure came up and my parents tried to explain to Caleb that it would have been easier for me to just tell him the answers, but I didn't because I love him.

Well, this evening I had the opportunity to share this story with someone I love so dearly and felt prompted to share it with all my blogging friends as well. Life is not always easy - and God does not promise for it to be easy - but he does promise to be with us every step of the way.

Deut 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

As I shared with Caleb how I was allowing him to struggle because it was what was best for him I can't help but relate that back to our loving Heavenly Father sharing that with us. He doesn't want us to struggle, but He allows it because it is what is best for us. Would it really be love to just give Caleb all the answers and be done with homework in 10 minutes? Or is it better I work with him every step of the way teaching him to do it on his own? God could zap all our trials away - and sometimes He does - but only if it is best for us. If he allows us to go through something, there is a purpose there and we need to trust him. Caleb's 7 year old mind could not grasp that I was doing what was best and that he could trust me, just as our minds cannot grasp the mind of GOD - we just need to trust that He is doing what is BEST for us. It was so easy for my parents to see this as it sometimes is for outsiders in life, but when you are in the midst of the storm, it's not so easy to see... or to trust. That's where FAITH come in. We cannot always get all of our "why's" answered. We just need to have faith in the God of this universe, who knit us together, knows our comings and our goings, and has a plan for our lives. We may not have all the answers handed to us (especially the "why's"), but we can trust that He IS there with us every step of the way!

Trust Him!